How do I learn to feel loved?

It's been haunting me since childhood. I felt like my mom didn't love me. Not like she didn't abuse me, just didn't care much. Then I married a person who didn't love me. Then I stayed married to him for many years. Then i divorced and found a guy who seemed like he loved me. After a few years, i can't believe what I see. I must have changed him somehow. He treats me the same way my ex husband did - very politely, but rather coldly. He'd rather spend time with a bunch of friends that just the two of us, he never initiates anything - neither projects, nor . It seems like he's just tolerating my existence. Yes, sure, I could just leave... but then what? Find another loving man and turn him into cold unloving indifferent acquaintance of mine?